Real Shit I Taught My Intern

I recently had the chance to have my first Intern, which basically ended up being a new drinking buddy. Now when I think of my ideal Intern; a tall, busty blonde with glasses and a pencil skirt are what come to mind, so when Shazeb walked into my office, you can imagine my dismay when I got introduced to a 20 year old, quiet Indian kid. It ended up being like the movie Van Wilder every day.  Well, unbeknownst to me, over the last couple of months, he had been writing down the bits of knowledge that are actually going to take him places in his life & his career.  I feel pretty good about what he learned from me, this is it:

• Be unapologetic
• Women chase successful men, unsuccessful men chase women
• Don’t fuck poor girls
  (this just means that they have a higher chance of not being on birth control, or up on their gyno visits)
• Always take care of your bartender
• Don’t cuss around anyone under 12
• Never hit a lady even if she punches you in the face
• Keep it down to 2 vices
  (mine are women & alcohol. You can have a functioning life with just 2. If I had a gambling problem too, my life would be in shambles)
• Stay away from whores
• Make friends with the biggest guys
  (This has served me well in life.)
• Read as much as you can, be as worldly as you can
• Take as many jobs as you can, make money
• Everything you do, do with someone. You learn from the interaction
• Shoes, phone, and watch
  (That’s the first thing girls & employers notice)
• Always interview with a watch
• If you’re the most of anything, you’re in the wrong room, but if you are, make sure you’re getting paid for it
• Stay away from credit cards, only use your credit for a house or a car
• Don’t ever drive drunk. Ever.
• Risk vs. Reward
• Do everything, but pick one thing and do it better than everybody.
• Basic skills: read, type, speaking. The better you are at this, the more time you have to do everything else in your life.
• When you read to yourself, disengage tongue, you’ll brain will process it faster
• At the end of your life, you will regret the things you didn’t do more than the things you did do. Do what you wanna do.
• Better to wear cheaper clothes that fit, than expensive ones that don’t.
• Don’t ever (x10) go out to meet girls. Go out to have fun and you’ll never fail.
• Dance like an idiot.
• Girl that nobody knows- fuck however you want
• Girl everyone knows- fuck her brains out
• Life is all about how you treat people
• Don’t ever date a girl who does anything more than you. It’s unhealthy she’ll hold shit over your head.
• If she can potentially take half your shit, make sure that she gets you half your shit
• No shame in walking away from a bad relationship.
• People do business with people they like
• First time at a bar- Know what you want before you sit down, have an easy order don’t be a dick, big tip first time
• Keep ‘em on their toes so you can get ‘em on their backs
• The hotter a girl is, the crazier she is, so she must be fucking nuts.

It took me the last decade to put most of this information together, so if this kid was able to figure this out from hanging out with me after a couple of months, I feel like we both did our job.

Top 10 Steakhouses in Dallas for Father’s Day

Well, it’s about that time of year again; the time when we cut the grass, leave Pops the hell alone for the game & take him out to grab a steak to thank him for not shipping us off to Boarding School when he had the chance. That’s right boys & girls; Father’s Day is upon us, so where are we taking him this year? Well there are two things we do really well in Dallas; one is a piece of a meat that was raised on a farm, the other is pieces of meat that were raised on a trust-fund. Think about it, then laugh. In a city saturated with steak-houses, how do you pick the one that your Old Man is actually going to enjoy? I’m here to help. I’m also assuming Mom may be coming along for dinner, so I left out the strip-clubs. Here we go. Oh, and just a heads up, as soon as I post this, all of these restaurants are going to get inundated with a wave of reservations, so call early. And this is a list about the best steakhouses, not the cheapest ones. If you want to save money on Father’s Day, you were probably adopted anyway.

Nick & Sam’s

For obvious reasons, Nick & Sam’s is kind of the last word when you mention steak-houses in the STATE of Texas.  When it comes to food, they know what they’re doing; the best steaks you can imagine, lobster that’ll melt in your mouth, and a wine list that you’d need to be tri-lingual and a sommelier to navigate.  (Luckily for you, they have those there.) Five stars all across the board. Show Dad you’re on your way and that he didn’t drop you on your head too many times by pulling up to this award-winning steakhouse.  Opulence. You has it. (Bring your wallet)

The Place at Perry’s

I’m not going to send you somewhere that isn’t awesome for Father’s Day. The Place at Perry’s was voted The Best Steakhouse in the DFW by Dallas Morning News for 2010, so that’s saying something.   A lot of the staff has been working there since it opened up in 2001, so they know their stuff and are going to make sure you and Pops have a great time. It’s located in Uptown, so you can grab a drink with the Old Man afterwards at one of the nearby bars. Perry’s has a decidedly very warm, family vibe to it, but no worries; you can still flirt with the hostess.

Morton’s

This new spot just opened up a location on the buzzing McKinney Avenue, also in Uptown. I guess you have to go to Uptown to get a great steak in this town…? (Hint: No, keep reading.) The two guys that started Morton’s used to work together at the Playboy Club back in the day, so these guys know their meat. Don’t judge me. It’s a chain, but it doesn’t feel like it. This is a place your Dad will be proud to brag about to his golf buddies the next day. And yes, he has golf buddies. Trust me.

Del Frisco’s

The full name of this restaurant is Del Frisco’s Double Eagle Steak House. That just sounds epic. And manly. I would love to have a steak with my Dad here. This place reminds me of the old-school steak-houses you see in the movies with the rich mahogany wood-paneling and everything. A couple of glasses of Scotch here and Dad will be ready to put up with your crap for another year. And it’s in, gasp! Addison if you feel like staying away from Uptown and maybe a little closer to home.

Bob’s Steak & Chop House

You can add another heavily awarded steak-house to this list. There are a couple locations, and there’s one in, you guessed it, Uptown as well. The outside looks pretty non-descript, but once you step in, you know you’ve come to the right spot. You know the feeling you got when you climbed into your tree-house as a kid? Yeah, multiply that by about a thousand, add an awesome steak and that’s what it feels like when you walk into Bob’s. The food’s incredible too, because that’s why we’re going in the first place, right?

The Keg

So I guess the key ingredients to opening up a great steakhouse are wood-paneling, a fire-place, steak (obviously), and a badass name. The Keg. I like eating here just to prove I have testosterone pumping through my veins. A Man’s Man’s steakhouse for sure. (And no, that’s not a typo.) The Pecan Sirloin is to die for. Make you wanna slap your Momma. But you would never do that. Because Pops taught you better, didn’t he? They have escargot there too, but I’m not that brave (or hungry).

Chamberlain’s

Amazing food! You’re going to feel like everything you eat for the next week is as bland as a Pop-Tart, (the ones without the icing, we grew up poor). Seriously, the food here will redefine your taste buds. Load up on a huge steak, (this was also awarded The Best Steak House in the DFW by our friends at the Dallas Morning News), a couple glasses of wine, then break out the stogies and smoke it up with Pops in the Smoking Lounge. Seriously, if my Dad was in town, this is where I would take him. Nothing says ‘Happy Father’s Day, thanks for not selling me on eBay’ better than an awesome steak, a couple cocktails, and a surprise cigar. You’re welcome. Tell Pops I said hey.

III Forks

This award-winning steakhouse provides the perfect mix of French class and mouth-watering steaks that would make even the most devout Texan proud. With remarkable entrees & perfect wine pairings, it becomes deliciously obvious why III Forks is consistently at the top of every concierges’ Ace in the Hole list. Five-stars, 3 Forks, and one unforgettable epicurean experience that any Dad is sure to enjoy. Yes, even yours.

Ruth’s Chris

One of things I love about this place is that they publish their recipes online so you can make them on your own. But you would never do that, because there’s no way you can even come close to making it taste as amazing as they do when it comes sizzling fresh out of their kitchen. Ruth Chris definitely belongs on this list of amazing steak-houses in Dallas. Heavily awarded, very comfortable ambiance, just an all-around great place to get your steak on. Dad’s a fan. He told me.

The Capital Grille

I always feel princely when I eat here. From the valet opening my door to the bartender shaking my hand, The Capital Grille pays excellent attention to every detail ensuring a very comfortable dining experience. They have a superb cocktail menu & of course, steaks that will make you glad you’re a carnivore and this high up on the food chain. And if you’ve had a really good fiscal year so far, may I suggest opening with the Grand Plateau Appetizer; Jumbo crab, North Atlantic Lobster, Shrimp cocktail & oysters… Make Dad feel like a V.I.Poppa.

There you have it folks, my choice of the Top 10 Steak-Houses for Father’s Day in Dallas. Again, if your favorite place didn’t make the list, I apologize; I have a lot more lists coming out of the culinary closet. I wish you and your Father a very Happy Father’s Day. I know mine did the best he could do with what genetics blessed him with. Spend a couple bucks, take your Old Man out, let him know you appreciate everything he helped you with and all the life lessons you learned from him along the way. Life is short, so enjoy every last bite.

Top 10 Date Restaurants in Dallas

You only have one chance to make a first impression as my Old Man always used to say. So why, why, why do guys STILL insist on mediocre dinner & a movie dates to take ladies out for the first go-around? Or even worse, the dreaded, “Let’s grab a cup of coffee” dates. Sure, sitting there antsy with a case of the runs & the shakes is EXACTLY how I want my date to go back to her friends and describe me as. No. Here in Dallas, we have more restaurants per person than New York friggin City, so I’ve put together a comprehensive list of some of the best Date Restaurants in the DFW that’ll leave her wondering what’s for dessert, instead of where’s the check. Check it out.

1. Victor Tango’s

I’ve had a few first dates here that have always ended well. Great staff that is attentive without being over-bearing so that you can still enjoy your privacy. Tapa style-dining to show her just how much you share & a specialty cocktail menu that does its’ job of being delicious while simultaneously sending you off on your merry way…

2. Javier’s

One date at Javier’s and she’ll be calling you Papi by the end of the night. This intimate old-world setting is great for disarming any preconceived notions that you’re just another cookie-cutter nice guy without any imagination. This place looks like the trophy room of the Most Interesting Man in the World, insuring several topics for small-talk from the zebra pelt on the wall to the seductive Cigar Room in the back for after-dinner cocktails and banter. You’re welcome.

 3. Fireside Pies

Call ahead so that when you walk-in you already look smarter than you are. Giving you and your date an opportunity to cozy up to each other, look over the menu and ask each other 5 times, “No, what do YOU like on your pizza?” By the time you get your pizza pie & cocktail order figured out, you’ll know for sure if she’s a meat-eater or not. And the food is delicious, which is always a good thing.

4. Ra

This place seems to always have a drink special, a DJ and a good-looking crowd every time we go. If she likes sushi and you like to drink, this is almost always a sure win, (or as my old friends on Anchorman would say, it works 60% of the time, every time.) There’s a love couch at the sushi bar so you and your date can get to know each other better while you and the chef both get your roll on.

 5. Bolsa

Ok, so this is one of my favorite date scenarios: start driving towards Oak Cliff to Bolsa and if she hasn’t jumped out of the car by the time you get there, it’s a sign that she trusts you, which is already a good start. Once you’re there, you will both be surprised by this award-winning locale. (D Magazine’s Restaurant of the Year 2009, Dallas Observers ‘Best Place to Take a Date’ & ‘Best Patio’. Yes, my friends, I’m trying to help you out.) This place allows you to pull the whole, “I look at the pearl, not the oyster” card. Take her to this hidden gem in the middle of one of Dallas’ most notorious neighborhoods and she’ll feel safe in your arms.

6. Hibiscus

Here’s a perfect place to take Miss Right, (or Miss Right Now) to show her that you enjoy some of the finer things in life without coming across as a pretentious jerk. Hibiscus feels classically elegant, yet comfortable at the same time. Order whatever you’re in the mood for, but let one of the wait staff help you choose your wine pairing, because, that’s what they’re there for, right?

7. Ocean Prime

Alright, I realize this may be one of the lesser imaginative selections on this list, but it’s always been a sure Ace-in-the-Hole. Nice, upscale, well-known; everything you need to say, “Hey, I’m normal.” Great food & great atmosphere never hurt anyone’s chances either.

8. Sangria

Do it. Trust me. This ultimate date destination was recently awarded ‘Summers Best Cocktails’ by local D Magazine which automatically put it on my radar. This electric yet cozy spot makes for an amazing first date to let her know you can eat somewhere that doesn’t care if “you want fries with that,” and their tapas & wine selection will help you keep the conversation going well into the night.

9. The Grape

As a general rule, I try to steer away from eating with my hands on the first date. I’m weird, I know. But if that doesn’t seem to faze you, this restaurant has repeatedly been awarded best Burger in Texas, (which if you think about it, is kind of hard to do here) as well as a slew of other awards. The Grape has been around for 35 years and I’m sure if you ask some of the older couples in the Grapevine area, there’s a reason for that. Intimate, different & delicious: exactly what you want her thinking about you.

10. Rise

Nothing says “I understand you,” more than taking her to a French soufflé restaurant. This joint isn’t just for pansies though, President Bush & his dame often spotted here. Well… Nevermind. The Art of Seduction teaches that you must paint an other-worldly experience when she’s with you. Rise does just that by transplanting you to the foreign French country-side while you’re there. A couple courses here, and she’ll be saying, “I surrender” faster than a Fre… forget it. Trust me, Rise is first-date worthy.

Well there you have it folks, my Top 10 Date Spots in Dallas. Now, please don’t feel put-out if your favorite restaurant didn’t make the cut. There are several other lists that I’m putting together, including, Top 10 Patios, Top 10 Sunday Brunches, Top 10 Happy Hour Spots and a few others, so look for your picks in some of my upcoming lists. And as always, your feedback is greatly appreciated, so please feel free to contact me at joshronce@hotmail.com if you have any other morsels of information you think I might enjoy. Cheers & Happy Eating!

Charlie Sheen Social Media Intern Finalist

So if you spend any amount of time on the internet at all, (and if you’re reading this, I’m assuming you do), you know what the media circus that is Charlie Sheen has become. At my new job, I spend my entire day staring at a Facebook & twitter screen, so to spice things up a bit, I started following Charlie Sheen. After a day or so, he posted that he was going to be hiring a Social Media Intern. I figured, why the hell not, as did 82,000 other people. You had to write a tweet, saying why you should be chosen for the job, I went with,

“bcuz My girlfriend would love it So would her girlfriend. And her mother #family”

Well, somehow I’ve managed to make it to Round #3. As part of this round I had to make a 2 minute YouTube video answering one of 3 questions:

1. If you were the Social Media Director for a major humanitarian aid organization, how would you create awareness and raise money via social media in the aftermath of a global disaster?
2. In your opinion, what is the best company using social media today and why?
3. How would you advise a candidate running for public office to leverage social media in his or her campaign for election?

I chose to go with #3. I had my good friends at The Myles Group come into the TangoTab office afterhours & help me put together this submission that you can find on YouTube at: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kFNU0xhha-M I think they did one helluva job given the tight time constraints. Be sure to check it out & tell me what you think! #winning #tigerblood

TangoTab & What Kids Are Saying These Days

So I’ve officially made my way back into corporate America, working for this new company called TangoTab. I got hired to be their Social Media Community Director. Which basically means that they pay me to Facebook, twitter & YouTube. Not too shabby, considering it’s something I have spent countless hours gaining experience in over the last few of years. One of the assignments I was given my second day on the job was to research our first round of demographics and find out what was the terminology that was going to help us best connect with our audience. (To find out what was cool, dumbass.) These are my findings. This is my story…

After a very thorough perusal of the interweb, I was able to delve deep into the dirty, trendy underbellies of the varying demographics of ‘cool’ around this great nation of ours. Utilizing sites of extremely high repute, such as thrillist.com, urbandictionary.com, and various random blog postings, I was able to conjecture the following which will hopefully be useful in the helping of TangoTab develop an edgy, interactive & engaging personality with our consumer audience. In my search, I looked up an average of 8 restaurant articles, 1 bar article & 1 article on sex & dating in the region to better generate a well-rounded gist of local flare. Restaurant goers are our target audience, but we all know that sex sells. Our key to success, and truly connecting to our audience, I believe, is going to rely heavily in our ability to be relevant, funny, engaging & our ease in referring to pop-culture, (also read, things people can easily relate to.)

First, I embarked on the capital of the All-American surf culture & glitz and glamour of what is Los Angeles

• Key words there to describe something big, (like our offers or deals): Monster, or excellent
• Everyone is a dude
• Resto = restaurant
• Date-ready, describes a place a dude can take a chick to impress her but still be comfortable
• Bizarre means cool
• Steez, (one of my favorites) describes something or someone with plain-old style, with eeeeaze
• Exaggerated terms such as ‘hyper-confidently’ are often used
• The term “ish” is used to describe interchangeably as “stuff” or hip, i.e., “That place is the ish.” Or, “They have they have the right ish.”
• Old-school = classic
• L.A.: A massive tangle of highways & roads, also rumored to contain people, houses & restaurants

I then continued my journey to the sex-crazed mecca that the Cubans  endearingly refer to as ‘home’, and that we as Americans geographically refer to as Miami.

• Miami is a very sex-crazed and sexually oriented city
• M.I.A.M.I., locally stands for ‘Money Is A Major Issue’
• ‘The city to get your shine on’
• ‘Miami is just too throwed.’ Throwed = cool & over the top
• Lounge-ish locales are the most desirable
• Step it up- taking things up a notch in either service, décor or ambiance
• Miami will have you screaming for morals
• It isn’t a shy city, so saying that something is ‘badass’ is ok. A phrase that was used to describe one of the hippest spots was, “This place has a light beard & is going to sleep with your girlfriend.” I will not be shaving for the next couple days, just a heads’ up.
• When saying that there was a way to save money at a place, the term ‘skipping the prix-fixe’ was often used
• Grab your girl, grub & drink all in one spot
• We are open for bid-ness (business)

After taking a mental trip up the Eastern sea-board, I started working on the city that was so nice, they named it twice: New York City, New York. There was little to be found here in terms of local slang that wasn’t completely vulgar or slightly over-offensive for an office email.

• Big-timing & mad nasty were about as safe and as popular as anything else I could find.
• Schelp- an awkward, stupid or clumsy person. That guy didn’t use TangoTab when he went out the other night. What a schlep.

Then I started on Chicago, which had much more of an upscale culture and feel generated around the city’s aura. Common terms used there were:

• Bistronmic- a classy place that serves good food & is good on the ambiance
• Freaked out
• Hit-up- to go to a certain place
• Unlike California, everyone here is a ‘guy’
• Hooch is used in place of the word alcohol
• There was a seemingly Mafioso air surrounding much of the restaurant industry, undoubtedly a treat left over from the Prohibition days
• Dapper is a good thing. A reaaaally good thing.

Orlando ended up being much like Miami in terms of what was cool, but slightly more family-oriented because of the understandable traffic that family friendly destinations that Disney has managed to create.

I then lumped San Fransisco, San Diego & San Jose together, not because of my lack of appreciation of the Catholic religion, but becase they all pretty much used the same lingo. Very genuine & authentic. The people there are simply looking for a place that has neighborhood fare & neighborhood flare. (and I thought that was fair. Sorry, I couldn’t resist.)

Well that, ladies & gentlemen pretty much sums up our lesson on what cool is for the day in our target cities for the first round of marketing & acquisitions for anything outside of Texas. I hope I didn’t sound too much like a schelp, (New York, remember?) Was this helpful? You Betty your ass is was. (I stole that from Miami.)

Cheers.

Joshua M. Shronce

Social Media Community Manager
Phone: (972) 762-8406
Email: Josh@TangoTab.com

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Atlantis Business Consultants

“Success consists of going from failure to failure without loss of enthusiasm.” –Winston Churchill

So here we are moving onto the next project of 2011. New year, new goals, new projects… Just the way it should be. I’m always looking for the newest opportunity, the next big thing & I pour myself into whatever business venture I am associated with at the time. I’ve managed to make a lot of people a lot of money. I finally decided it was time to make a little bit for myself. Over the last few years, I’ve done contract & consulting work for several large companies; including Microsoft, Blackberry, Sprint & PepsiCo. I’ve also helped build new businesses into successful entities that have incredibly increased their brand recognition & client base due to the simple things I was able to point out & the unique set of talents that I bring to the table; companies such as Jan Barboglio & Rock N Taco.  I was able to gather invaluable experience in the marketing, telecom, and analytical arenas.

So now I’ve teamed up with my best friend Curtis Speller & the very talented, Erin Wilkerson. They also have varying business experience in the accounting, finance, logistic & web-design fields to launch a new business consulting company named Atlantis Business Consultants. We’ve only been live a week, but already have had hits over 2,000 hits from over 6 countries on our site, and launched a site we did for a client, Articulation Art, feel free to check it out.

The three of us actually make a pretty decent team; Erin handles all the financial, tax planning, accounting & payroll consulting. Curtis is amazing when it comes to creating logos, web-sites & the logistic aspects of the business and I handle anything that deals with marketing, social media & client acquisitions. We’re booking up rather quickly, so if you want to see how Atlantis Business Consultants (A.B.C.) can help you and your business, please feel free to shoot me an e-mail at: Joshua@atlantisbusinessconsultants.com or give me a call at: (972) 762-8406 to set up a conference call.

I view my life as a story that I’m writing as I go along, and I want it to be the most interesting damn book ever written when I’m done…

And now you may be wondering where I got that last quote from. That, that was me. Stay thirsty my friends.

International Travelers Rule #2

Don’t drink the water… Without a vodka/rocks back

International Travelers Rule #72

When traveling, go to where the souvenir shops are; then keep going

International Travelers Rule #27

When talking to a girl in Miami; always, always, ALWAYS open in Spanish

The Best Gift

My parents were never really the extravagant gift-giving type, and Lord knows they could have been. But they blessed me with something that is worth more than anything I think they could have ever gotten a receipt for (besides my dashing good looks and panty-dropping charm). They showed me the gift of travel.

We moved around a lot. A LOT. In one of the most confusing & emotionally trying times for a pubescent kid, they plucked me out of my freshman year of high school and moved us to Nicaragua. Right dead square in the middle of What The Fuck Are These People Saying Central America. I didn’t speak Spanish, I didn’t understand the poverty & I really wanted a Dr. Pepper. I didn’t want to go. But when I got there, and learned enough of the language to communicate, I loved it. I loved the experience, the people, everything. Some of the hardest experiences of my life happened down there. No electricity, no running water, HELPING people. Now that was something else. Traveling as a kid opened my mind in a huge way. You get rid of a lot of ignorance the more stamps you have in your passport I believe. Racism & bigotry kind of go right out the window. As I’m typing this, I have a sister in Alaska, a brother in Costa Rica & a set of parents that just got back from a jaunt around Europe. I’m heading to the Bahamas next month, and should be heading back to Nicaragua for Thanksgiving to see my family. We built a home and a plantation there, so that no matter where in the world we end up, the 3 kids, (my brother, sister & I), always have a place to go back to.

So I guess the point of this particular entry is to encourage you to travel. Step outside of your box. And when you go, even if you stay at a resort, don’t STAY there. Go out, get dirty, see what the place you’re visiting is really about, see what the people do there. It’ll change your mind about a lot of things, and if you’re lucky, it’ll change your life.